I believe that people like what they like, there needn’t be a reason. Maturity and experience can sometimes curb an interest in a particular preference but unfortunately I cannot say that this has been the case for my romantic life.
Some of my friends say that I have a thing for a certain type of man. They use *very* misleading words like sly, dangerous, and rough where I would use words like interesting, courageous, focused and edgy. I have never been attracted to quiet or conservative men. I enjoy conversation, character and dynamism (think TJ Holmes and Stringer Bell from the Wire).
In all honesty, however, this dynamism and character hasn’t always served me well. I haven’t been in many relationships but I have had more than my share of talk show drama with these men. I have had many moments of reflection with alcohol my best girlfriends and on my own where I have pondered on why I let these things happen to me.
In one of those periods in between drama with one ex boyfriend or the other I decided that I would take responsibility. I decided that I needed to make up my mind to talk to a different kind of man. Maybe my friends where right, was I attracted to the wrong type of man? I decided it couldn’t hurt to test their theory.
My analogy was that I was literally hurting my heart with these men that didn’t act right. I needed to seek out more wholesome and heart healthy relations. I was gonna lay off the delicious but dangerous fried food men and get me a nice wheat crackers/carrot sticks man.
Wheat crackers man came in the form of a guy that I had a crush when I was a youngín. He was a few years older than me and I would sneak peeks at him when he was would walk past my house back in the old hood. I was definitely too shy and too young to talk to him back then but grown up Trendsettah decided to make a move.
He was game, maybe a little too game if I get really real. He was gung ho from real early, talking about future plans and trying to get all up in my space before I could really warm up to him. I had to give him a speech about calling me too often, showing up at my job, and generally crowding me. I called a conference with my girlfriends; I needed their counsel about whether I was being too hard on wheat crackers? Was I giving him a chance? Was I too jaded by too busy and sometimes unavailable men to not know what it was like to date someone who was attentive?
I decided to hold the faith, put some effort into getting to know him better. He was a really sweet man, with a loving generous spirit but he was just so predictable. I don’t want to say that he was boring I had to find to put in work to find something fascinating to talk about with him. He didn’t know my politics and that can cause some awkward moments but I was convinced that a grown ass man like him must have something interesting to talk about instead of trying waay too hard and saying all things he thought I wanted to hear. Le Sigh.
The last straw came when (I think) he tried to make a move. We had been ‘talking’ for nearly 2 months and I had deftly resisted all physical contact outside of a hug. We had gone to a movie and afterwards he decided to make a detour to his house. This was a very bad idea on his behalf, with him already being on shaky ground, unilaterally deciding that I would want to go to his house at damn near midnight after the movies brought down the curtains on his little show. I really don’t care what his intentions were but I was not impressed. I refused to get out of the car until I was taken home and a few days later I told him that it would not work out. I just wasn’t interested.
Within a month after that I was back with ex boyfriend *sigh* *SIGH*
There are many ways I can look at this, maybe wheat crackers never stood a chance, maybe we weren’t compatible, maybe he was extremely boring, or maybe I needed to grow up, maybe.
This was a few years ago and I now feel that there is a happy medium, extremes have never been my thing and that episode made that clear to me. Dry wheat crackers are just as unappealing as deep fried fatty foods, and none of those choices would ever make me happy.