I don’t like the word lady. I don’t like being called lady and I don’t call anyone else lady. I am not interested in being anyone’s lady and forget about me ever trying to be ladylike.

Lady and Ladylike, in my opinion, are long standing bastions of sexism that are still around trying to turn us all into hypocrites. Direct descendent of the madonna-whore dichotomy, lady and ladylike try to walk a tightrope to presents itself as empowering but really is more like a prison of efforts around being ‘decent’ and ‘good’ predominately in public.

Being a ladylike lady from my observations is a hetero-normative mechanism preventing women from appearing to be too comfortable, slutty, free, poor, vulnerable and quite a few other things that I might happpen to be (and enjoy) at any given time in my life.

Slut prevention: Ladies don’t wear skirts that short, ladies don’t dance like that, ladies don’t sit like that, ladies don’t approach people they want to have sex with, ladies don’t talk about what gives them pleasure.

Poor prevention: Ladies aren’t seen in the same outfit twice, ladies are never to leave the house looking less than perfectly groomed, ladies are never to ask for help.

 Freeness prevention: Ladies don’t ask too many questions, ladies don’t curse or get angry, ladies don’t buck the rules, ladies don’t talk about their hurts, ladies don’t have big personalities

Get the point?

All these do nots are for strictly public consumption and we all know that ladies can’t keep this shit up when at home and with close friends and family. Therefore introducing the hypocrisy that gets us all into trouble.  You can sprawl and be as comfortable as you want when at home but after a long day at work you better sit like a lady during that bus ride at home. Never allow yourself to be seen in the same outfit twice at the risk of rent and utility payments. Never wine too sexily when dancing in public, never enjoy yourself too much. I am not about that life at all.

I prefer to be a person,  an authentic person, a whole person, a REAL person. I am a cusser, have been known to 6:30 in the club, my favorite clothes are all over facebook numerous times cus I look fabulous in them. I ask a whole lot of questions, I experience frequent road rage and I like getting my own way and yes, there have been some slutty periods.

All these things don’t seem to fit into the list of ladylike behaviours. And I am pretty fucking happy with that.

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Comments on: "Who you calling Lady???" (2)

  1. facebook conversation with friend re: post

    DBT- I guess for me lady just meant being a self-confident, self-assured woman. Never saw it that way.

    me- So when someone says you should be more ladylike they are usually asking you to be more self-confident?

    DBT- Please remember 1. I don’t listen to ppl. 2. Ppl rarely say stuff like that to me because they know I ignore them. 3. When I think of the word lady I see images on Joan of Arc in my head or Isis or Nanny. definitely feminine but edgy

    me- … Accepted. 🙂

    DBT- i guess its still hetero but to me a lady is uncomfortable because she’s doing something that requires her to be more than just feminine – stoic, brave, aggressive even – for a cause: even if the cause is personal advancement.

    me- Definitely, at first when I read it I was thinking isn’t this feminine, but I think that’s truly a choice, how we embrace, use or don’t use femininity and when it’s genuinely our choice it’s a pretty powerful thing. Ladyhood/likeness uses femininity as a tool of containment and appropriateness.

    DBT- food for thought

  2. […] me. I always joked that Granny Grace’s favourite word was “elegant” (I was not a ladylike young woman) and could put on wuk up shows that would have Granny Helen clutching her stomach in […]

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