Archive for the ‘sex’ Category

The Wickedest Time When the Rain Start Fall- Repost

orgasmThese lines are the one of the most memorable songs for dancehall heads. Mr Luxury by Ronnie Thwaitess a old school mix tape standard and details rainy weather as the perfect time for love making. Rainy season in the Caribbean will cause many government workers to skip work just to stay home and lay up with their partners. Trust me, I definitely enjoy some rainy weather lovin’, who can resist the urge to cuddle up when it’s cool outside and you can hear the rain fall all around you? Good times guaranteed 🙂

But I dare say that a rainy day isn’t the only prime time to get some. I wanna suggest a few other situations that cause for some extra good ‘good-good’

*AddFyahandStir strongly advocates safe sex as the only good sex. Know your status people!*

1) After the club sex.

Scene 1.

Sexy club music. Drinks. Wearing your freakum dress, the one that hugs just right, You and your partner in that corner of the club, grinding and rubbing. Your favorite music. A few more drinks. Time to go home. (Sometimes you don’t even wait to get home).

Scene 2

Drinks. Sexy club music. You connect eyes with a cutie that you have seen around the way. Why yes kind sir, I would love you if bought me and my girls a few drinks. Amaretto sour for me please. Dancing with your new friend, in a way that your girl friend needs to remind you that boo’s boy’s are in the club as well . oops teeheehee. It’s just a dance, and in any case previously mentioned girl friend needs to drop me off at boo’s house when we leave here. A few more drinks and I am ready to get out of here. When I get to boo’s house and he’s asleep, thers are sooo many fun ways to wake him up to let him know that I NEED his attention RIGHT NOW!!!

2) Almost getting caught sex.

Whether it’s by a sibling, a maid at a hotel, a valet at the club parking lot or a random stranger(the stories I could tell). The rush and range of emotions involved in almost getting caught with a leg over a shoulder, is pretty damn amazing.

At first it’s slight terror cus you aren’t sure who it is, then you have to rush to move away or cover up or something. Then once the crisis is averted it is friggin hilarious, you replay the situation in your head and cannot help but find great comedy in the fact that your lil sister almost walked in on you while she was trying to bring you some brownies. Writer’s note: always lock your front door, always. At this point all juices are flowing again and everyone should be ready to assume the position, or try a new one.

3) Just before I go to work sex

Whether it’s at 6:30 am after you just spent the night together or you are able to link up and connect just before you start your afternoon shift, this loving is great. There have been times when I am already dressed to go and I get distracted. Oh dear, now I (or we) have to go shower again and I am gonna be late for work. Sigh, good times.

4) Sex by music

Back in the day I used to pick out music specifically for a date night. Haven’t done that in a while, but there are a few songs that used to feature on my playlists that still bring back memories of back in the day. I can recall some Jill Scott, Beres Hammond and Bob Marley that remind me of some young loving high scores.

More recently a few songs have accidentally become memorable as they have featured as background music. A few VH1 Soul sessions come to mind fondly and even a few spins from RETV (google it).

This is a decidedly short list and please note that they are not listed in any particular order. Fyah family, what do you think? Tell me aboue any others I may have left out. Maybe yall will inspire some new memories.

the pause before a period

bookidle- lucyIn Lucy, Jamaica Kincaid’s protagonist is in the early days of adolescence and experiencing a lot of angst. One of the many sources of which was having a period. Those who have or currently menstruate will be familiar with the discomfort, inconvenience, the pain. One woman I worked with said she welcomed and celebrated her period. It  was for her a reminder of her fertility. I’m not trying to have children, so for me that excitement isn’t there. In Lucy, the mother of the protagonist warns/ predicts…

“finding blood in [your] underpants might be something one day [you] would get down on [your] knees and pray for” (69)

… and let me tell you truer words were never written.

Chris Rock has a hilarious joke (@3:25). He says, “you’re young and you date what do you do? You go to the movies, you go get pizza, you have sex, what else? You wait for periods.” He’s very right. If you’re young, single, fertile, having straight sex, and not planning on having children any time soon I’m willing to bet pregnacny young wocyou’ve had a pregnancy scare.

Owing to my hypochondriac ways I’ve had a couple pregnancy scares myself. Oftentimes not justified: I’m a stickler about safer-sex.  I always use condoms and am often on the birth control pill. But let me tell you, nothing puts fright in me more than, the thought, “shouldn’t I have had my period by now…”

And then rings true the words of Jamaica Kincaid, everyday you wait for finding blood in your underpants… oh what a blessing. What activities do you engage in? This is my usual modus operandi

  • calendar checking
    • when was my last period? I’ve never been good about tracking my cycle. So I end up having to try to remember what was going on in my life- events and activities when I last had my period and work back from there. I actually once convinced myself I was pregnant because I’d gained some weight even though it had been 9+ months since I’d had sex. #hypochondriaisreal
  • decision making
    • should I buy a pregnancy test?
      • Surprisingly I never have. My period has always come before I get that scared. That said, I know many a friend who has a pregnancy test hidden somewhere in her house just in case.
    • when should I tell him?
      • When you’re one day late? When you’re 10 days late? When you get two lines on the pregnancy test? Now I’m definitely torn on this one. I’ve never discussed my anxiety with anyone I’ve had sex with with because nothing makes me worry more than other people worrying with me. But I remember watching a sitcom where a character had a pregnancy scare and she said she was telling him because there was no reason she should be the only one stressed about something they were both responsible for. To each his or her own.
    • what would I do?
      • Because I’m a dilly-dallier it would definitely be too late for the morning-after-pill which leaves abortion on the table. I’m as pro-choice as they come but in these parts of the world (English-speaking Caribbean) save a few territories it is actually illegal. So that leaves finding a doctor who will (there are many) and considering his or her reputation. Talk about stress. #awkwardconversation
  • and thankfully all my stories have ended with great relief.

Hopefully we’ll all have/do an appreciation for the irony when there’s a shift in our desire to have children and we then start cursing the blood lining our underpants.

Fyah Fridays- Girls, Food and Science

girls1. I have been watching Girls on HBO. I watch it because it’s a captivating story, featuring unique perspectives and characters I have never seen on Television in this light before. These are some screwed up, delusional, without-a-clue, privileged, reckless, self-involved women living in a dream world and it’s hella entertaining to watch. There are many scenes that make me quite uncomfortable around sex acts and relationships but I know this shit really happens. Another aspect about Girls is that not one of the characters are remotely likeable, not one of them. Yet I can’t stop watching.  This is an article I read that sort of reflects how I feel about the show. I know the season has ended but I don’t have HBO so I have to find alternative viewing options so that leaves me quite a bit behind.

food2. I love food, probably too much. I love to go to fancy grocery stores and buy up special sauces and oils and frozen samosas and other delicious things. I found this article on food prices globally and its progression in the last few years. I found it interesting the amount of money spent on food at home. As a student I try my best to eat at home and prepare food to go when I can. How much money do you think you spend on food away from home?

3. I Bleeping love Science. This is my most favourite facebook page. Get into it! science

Have a great weekend!

fyah fridays- occupying space

one billion risingAre you rising on the 14th February? I will be. So will many around the world. Much of my writing, reading and some of my working has been around raising awareness around sexual violence. 1 Billion is a large number, find a rising near you…. learn the dance (debbie allen’s teaching) or create your own but make that day and the days to come one/ones in which you rise against sexual violence. Big up to igds at Cave Hill in Barbados.

Speaking of taking over spaces. Qui Dorian says take over yoga studios this year! I’m all for it… well I would be if it
yoga matdidn’t cost so much. That’s why I’m uber thankful for Brown Girl’s yoga for making a space that feels comfortable and accessible for people who look like me to practice.  I can’t do headstands, I’m not dreaming that far ahead… and the thought of one day being able to do the crow pose makes me simultaneously giddy and frustrated… but I do believe the practice helps me. I pay attention to my body, and for 20-60 minutes there’s nothing else to do but be with me. It for me has been a gift.


I was raped t shirtNnzinga Job’s TEDx Port of Spain talk on Love, rape and sex
.  She talks as a survivor, a believer and a dreamer. What stood out to me most was her sharing that her realisation that we create the meaning of sex has in our lives, once we do this it is so much easier to say no. Journal people, our, all our journeys are worth documenting. Towards the end she shares tips for a healthy sex life. I was going to list my favourite but I actually love them all: 

#2 take the time to know what you like and dislike sexually and why

#3 have sex only to celebrate and commemorate never to forget

#4 get physically fit and flexible and practice sexual expressiveness through dance

#5 save money into a sex fund

Completely off topic but had my cracking up. Artists who need to stop making crappy music. I disagree with Erykah making the list. I loved New microphoneAmerkyah Volume 2. But everyone else, so feeling their place on the list plus I think it’s hilarious that Alicia Keys isn’t on the list b/c we have to accept her albums have never really cut it to start with. lol

black power booksClosing off, 100 books by black women everyone should read. I’ve read about a third of them; and it’s not nearly as straight and African-American as I thought it would be. Shout out to all the queer, African and Caribbean (and their intersections) authors on the list. Check it out- Nalo Hopkinson, audre lorde, Jamaica Kincaid, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Stacey Ann Chinn, Octavia Butler, Shirley Chisolm…. come one, you know you’re intrigued.

Fyah Link Fridays- Randoms

Family, I hope you had a great week. I had a pretty exceptional week (if I should say so myself) because on Monday I started grad school. Classes are interesting and demanding and my free time has been left in the dust.  However I wanted to make sure I shared with you all some of the interesting things that I read this week between all the scholarly articles. I promise to not post any of those here lol

  1. Catfishing and such.  Over the past month or so I got into the MTV show Catfish and it iscatfish entertaining to no end. Only one situation that I saw ended well and that was because both parties were being dishonest about themselves and by chance they happened to connect in the end. In all other episodes it has been anger, tears and major disappointment. It is really easy to say that you would never get caught up in an online dating lie, and there are some pretty simple ways to mitigate at least some of the foolishness early out, but if we really think about it is this really that uncommon and new-age? This NYT article fleshes it out really well and gave me some new perspective on how we really go about knowing someone.
  2. Faith and Spirituality. I don’t talk about God and faith much, but I think about it quite often. Growinfaithg up very very catholic is a significant part of how I got here and I am still negotiating a lot of how I feel about Christianity on a whole. I came across this article from Esquire and read it about three times because I sometimes feel this is where I want to be, other times not so much.

3. NKOTB. nkotbWhen I was about 9 or 10 I was in love with Donnie and Jordan from New Kids on the Block. I was obsessed. I had all their music on tap, nighties, notebooks, stationary, videos of their performances and I am pretty sure I wrote them about 46 letters (I was that kid) and waited with baited breath for the responses that never came. I wasn’t big on the other boy bands but NKOTB brought me great joy. Can you imagine how excited I was to hear that New Kids on the Block is teaming up with Boyz II Men and 98 Degrees for a 2013 stadium-sweeping super-tour called THE PACKAGE. Sigh. I could go on and on but me sister from another mister Lindy over at Jezebel lays it out in hilarious plain language for those of you who may not know. Best believe that I have already scoped out the NYC dates, best believe.

Enough of my randomness, have a great weekend yall.

Music Wednesday

To continue the trend of sexy music I will share with you some Caribbean songs that get the waistline moving. All old favorites, mostly slow dance songs dripping with memories of deep dark corners at house parties and village clubs. Hope you enjoy!

1. Beres Hammod.- No Disturb sign.

Quintessential sexy song, a must play at all Valnetines Day Dances and on all Love Monday request lines

 

2. Burning Flames – Workey

As soon as the opening notes to this song are played Antiguans worldwide start to wine. It may be our 2nd national anthem 🙂

 

3. Crossfyah- Wet Me

I’m in a party mood, man I behaving rude!

 

4. Healing- Lady Saw and Beenie Man

High school garage parties say what! Daddy used to be at the gate for me at midnight on the dot, along with lots of other parents back in the day. Ahh the 90’s 🙂

 

5. Degree- Hold you Tonight

Antiguan men aren’t big winers – gangstas don’t dance- so this was mostly us girls screwface winin’ up ourselves.

 

6. Tanya Stephens – Big Ninja Bike

This list would not be complete without Tanya. Big Ninja Bike me say

(s)ex & other things you shouldn’t be doing….

i have been unforgivably MIA. my apologies fyah stirring family, but school has been kicking my ass so hard i haven’t even had time to remember i’ve been forgetting to post.

i am not going to explain the title of this post, why i thought it was appropriate, or my feelings on any of the songs in here. you’re just going to listen, think about some bad choices you’ve made in the past and will make at some point in the future, and evaluate your life – not mine :).

1. Usher – That’s What It’s Made For

2. Miguel – Quickie

3. Mos Def & The Isley Brothers – Beauty in the Dark (Groove Wit You)

4. Mos Def – The Panties

Happy mid week point!

eating… men who don’t

Oral sex within heterosexual relationships to be specific. I’m talking to a friend who discloses that he doesn’t give head. I was surprised, but not that surprised. Every time I “discover” another man who doesn’t I’m reminded of that Chris Rock joke. Even though he directs it towards women I can relate to the bafflement.

I remember this joke purely b/c of the line singular line, “they still make you?”  I’m all about doing what you want to do and not doing what you don’t want to do when it comes to sex. So to each their own. That said, nothing hurts my heart more than men who don’t give head but want, ask, accept or expect head from their partners. Where is the reciprocity?* Where oh where?

They usually say things like:

  • she didn’t ask
    • This for me is usually a sign you haven’t/ don’t usually talk to your partners much about what you’re doing, why you’re doing it, how it feels etc. Not a good indicator. Now if its’ a fly by / once in awhile I’ll give you a pass, but you can’t be dey wid somebody in a real way and it never came up. And since when is the onus on someone to ask? What happened to the chivalrious offer? Especially if she offers. Shameless men. Shameless.
    • Not all womyn out there have that Tanya Stephens, Lady Saw know-how to command the situation and say what they want. That silence around the issue, that uneveness in the exchange is likely to already make it more difficult for women to speak up, especially in the heat of the moment. Make yourself vulnerable nuh, have a conversation.
  • I’m sure I’m no good at it
    • Really now? Have you tried? Many of you have schooled many a young woman into technique I’m sure. You told her to hold back on the teeth, hum a little, keep it slobbery. Are you not invested in also learning? Getting some corrective feedback? Are we the only ones to be taught? Ahh the condescension.
  • I tried it once it’s not for me.
    • Again, I’m all about doing only what you want to do. But if you’re the woman #2 Chris Rock describes giving just enough to shut up. Way to make your partner feel great about her body… which leads us to
  • down there?
    • the perplexion men like to express about the vagina. The vagina they have no problem beating out, banging and all sorts of other terms that insist that a woman’s body and sexual organs should be controlled, tamed because it needs order to tame its wildness. Yeah… do some work my friend #misogynyisreal
  • me a bad man
    • Please don’t quote Capleton, Sizzla, or some obscure unreferenced Biblical verse. Very few of you are spiritual pillars of faith I’m certain.
    • And gangsta what… not buying it

So again, I’m not hating on men who don’t or women who don’t ask men to. What I am hating on is the absolute lack of conversation around it in many circumstances. The silence is deafening.

  • Womyn I implore you to ask if you want it, it’ll tell you a lot about the person you’re sleeping with. Men, I implore you to bring up the topic.

You two should be talking about what you like and don’t like in general… and once you’re in it, what you liked an didn’t like… Sex should be fun, surprise can be exciting but having confidence in your acts, in your sexy is largely built on not just knowing, but talking to you partner. As always, in a push for safer sex practices. Dental dam it up people. 🙂

* I love Lauryn Hill for teaching me this word.

Fyah Friday- Randoms

1. I totally had to draw for the kleenex while watching this one. Katy Perry sang a duet with super talented 11 year old Jodi DiPiazza. Jodi has autism and her excitement and joy touched me, I also loved that Katy sang along but surely let Jody shine.

2. We spoke about body image for our IWD post and we all acknowledge that we have insecurities about our physical appearance. This article made societal body pressure so much more sinister because they no longer only re-touch scars and fat, they take out expression lines and barely there under-arm folds in already super-skinny women. There is literally no way that a real woman can look like this, even with surgery in the case of the underarm folds. Sobering but sadly not even surprising. d

3. . This is an article about big penises. The writer shares her experiences and reflections on why big penises may not as great as they want us to believe. All that glistens and throbs  glitters isn’t gold people 🙂

makes the ppl cum together… :)

I swear, I didn’t mean for it to happen this way. Another late day. So here’s some music for your Thursday.

So Sunday I did a little cooking and for some reason I was feeling like listening to  some sexin’ tunes or as I like to call them ls- leg spreading music. I actually have a folder saved in “my music” as ls. So let’s take a peak. Try not to laugh at the selection, we all have our own motivations. A time, a place, a person, a moment…

This song makes me want to slow wine, maybe swing from a pole… something I may or may not have done before. 🙂

When people singing ls tunes are significantly younger than you, you’re getting old. I’m not feeling Miguel in any particular way, but quickies sure do serve a purpose.*

I don’t know anyone else who likes this song. I think it’s hilarious. Everyone tells me it’s not a love song. He’s only singing about his prowess. My response? Why the f$#% not? 🙂

N.B. I endorse none of these videos. I doubt I’ve watched all the way through any of them. I only chose videos in the event you also needed some visual stimulation.

What are some of your favourite ls tunes?

*you swear say my ls life real active

 

 

 

 

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