Posts tagged ‘musings’

Great Sex or a Great Meal?

This was the question of the day on last week and it got me thinking.

Great sex or a good book?

Great sex or spending time with a close relative?

Great sex or a good movie?

Great sex or some quiet time to yourself?

According to TV and relationship blogs, if you are in a solid relationship, the sex is supposed to be great and it appears that you are supposed to enjoy that great sex as often as possible. We have all seen the pop culture scenes with two couples comparing the frequency of their sexcapades where one couple seems to always be DTF (down to fukc) and this makes the ‘once a week or so’ couple question their relationship.

I feel that everyone has their optimal level of sexual activity and this level probably changes depending on shit going on in their lives.  Not feeling well, tired, watching TV, reading  a book, got shit on my mind,  got work to do  and just don’t feel like should all be reasons for not wanting to get it in at any point in time. At the same time being tired or bored, inspired by a particular scene or situation in a book or movie may at another point in time call for some healing from your boo.

Are we comfortable in our relationships to share these thoughts with our partners? If you detect a change in your partners sex drive what would you think? Do you think there is an acceptable level of sexual activity in your relationship? Has this changed over time?

I hate to say it, really I do, but sex is often over-rated. Not that it isn’t enjoyable and can be special and exhilarating and relaxing and all the other fabulous adjectives you wanna insert here. But sex, great or not so great, can hold some mighty weighty expectations over our heads. While I do believe that sexual chemistry is a key ingredient to a good relationship, supposed god-forbid, you cannot have sex.  Illness, distance, busy schedules, many reasons may prevent that great sex from happening, what happens then?

I don’t think that if I decide to read a book, enjoy a good meal, chat on the phone with my brother or just cool and bubble by myself for an evening means that the sex isn’t great. I feel that a real relationship doesn’t need to prove itself all the time and sex often is a lone beacon in many a crappy ass relationship.

I would rather read a good book tonight, then  wake up to some great sex in the morning. Party with my sister friends this weekend and spend time with my guy during the week. Recognize that if you are in a happy and safe relationship, one that is vibrant and comfortingly predictable, there is no need to set up lose –lose situations where you need to choose between two of life’s joys. This may be one of those rare occasions where you can have your cake and eat it too, so cut a nice big slice and enjoy!.


Mid-September thoughts

  • I live in a small island and there are many people that I am not even causally acquainted with but I know a lot of their personal business. I may know their business through girl talk,  observation or plain old being in the right place at the right time.  When I see some of these folk in the streets I chuckle or mentally big up or empathise according to the situation and I am pretty sure that these people have no idea that I am all up in their lives. I often think about the possibility that there are people who may see me traipsing around and know all my drama as well. I don’t think my business is half  as sensational as that of some of the people who I learn about but still,  I try to keep it interesting. 
  •  I gotta get off Facebook. Stupid arguments, annoying ‘inspirational’ status updates, the over 600 ‘friends’ I have managed to accumulate ( of which I actually know maybe 150) what more can I say? The recent changes regarding FB deciding to tag your friends without your permission and their other flagrant privacy fouls over the years are really about to push me over the edge.   I have never been an active Facebooker and I *sometimes* use it to gather some of the intelligence I spoke of earlier or more recently kick up some dust in a rousing game of Words with Friends, but other than that it’s a mess. I often advise folks who don’t have an FB account ( there are a few out there) to stay away and there are times when I just cannot bother.
  • I wish I could saang! Sigh, I wish I could sing, I admire and envy people who can belt out their favorite songs and those that can make a living from voice talents. From Billie Holliday to Lauryn Hill to Adele to Queen Ifrica I so enjoy the different ranges and intonations styles and perspectives. The real talk is that I would probably be insufferable, singing at every chance I get and I would be one with a million youtube videos kindly soliciting your support :). For now, I will sing in my room and in my car and for those unlucky  friends that catch me trying a thing.

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